Phoebe Halliwell

Fri, 03 Sep 2004 17:35:03 GMT

Okay, so I was dead. Again. Piper, who's ahead right now? But does this count, because we weren't dead really. I mean, Cole made it so we never died. This makes my head hurt. Anyway, so very glad to be alive.

And, wow, Prue's alive. Really really really alive. Cole said when he wanted to "save the Charmed Ones," his powers brought him back to three years ago when we lost Prue. So he saved her, too, and brought her back to us. She doesn't remember anything of the past year that we've been able to see her again because it never happened for her. So that's kind of weird, but having Prue alive again is totally worth it.

This calls for celebration! :) My big sister is back! Look out, demons, now you really have to deal with the Power of Four.

I can't believe Cole did this. I'm a little worried about repercussions, and the shifting reality seems to have taken a toll on Cole. He was really tired last night, but he seems otherwise okay. And believe me, I checked him out thoroughly. ;)

Sat, 28 Aug 2004 19:10:54 GMT

Girls' Night In was a resounding success. I'm still finding glitter in my hair (and Cole really didn't appreciate it when I tried to give him a glitterful hug the next morning. ;)

Tomorrow we're having a family outing. We're taking Wyatt and Chris to the park. Using my powers of premonition (well, in this case, weather.com), I can see the weather is going to be beautiful. Piper is making a picnic lunch, and we're just going to have a fabulous day ~~ogling the hot male joggers~~. :) Cole unfortunately has to work that afternoon -- something about a client whose religion only lets him have meetings on Sunday afternoons. How silly! Leo's been acting awfully oddly and secretive lately, so I'm not sure what's up with him. It would be great if Prue could join us, though.

Tonight Cole and I have a date. :) We're going out to dinner and a movie. Oh, the look on his face when I told him I wanted to see "Princess Diaries 2: The Royal Engagement" was priceless! Actually, I think we may see "The Village" or "The Manchurian Candidate."

~~ Firewalled against all but myself ~~

Okay, one thing that is bothering me. We worked out a truth spell, but then Paige found out that Cal was dead. He apparently was burned to death. For a moment I was scared I went all Dark Phoebe and went back to flambe him, but no...it couldn't have been. There are rumors floating around that one of the women he abused came after him and set him on fire in revenge. I have to say part of me is glad he's gone...but I'm glad it wasn't me doing it.

~~ End firewall ~~

Fri, 27 Aug 2004 03:01:29 GMT

The manor is officially a No Men Allowed Zone tonight. Piper's sent the babies off with Leo for the night. I sent Cole home. Halliwell witches only!

We got pizza, we got brownies, we got nail polish, we got tissues and DVDs. The only difficult thing is deciding. "Heathers" for black comedy (and, mmm, Christian Slater). "Scream" if we want a scare. "See Jane Date" is a good chick flick. Or "Joy Luck Club" for tears -- or "Ya Ya Sisterhood."

Oooh! I think we should make ourselves crowns like in the movie! Tonight we shall be Halliwell Princess Witches. Paige has art supplies, doesn't she? Can we magic one so Prue can wear it?

Spice World? Shakespeare in Love? Never Been Kissed? So many choices.

Have I mentioned lately I love my sisters? :)

Wed, 25 Aug 2004 21:47:48 GMT

I meant to post this last night, but livejournal was being a bitch. It's a day out of date now, but oh well.

* * *

Last night was good. I don't really feel like getting into everything that was said, but it was good.

When Cole went to work I spent some time being philosophical Phoebe. I started thinking of all these things that happened to us recently, all these people from the past that have come knocking on our doors. First when we were swapped with our past selves...then the business with Pratt...and now Cal. Where we came from, where we are, and what we could easily be. Could all this be coincidence, or did someone arrange it? I don't think it can be just coincidence. Maybe...maybe the Elders were trying to teach us the lesson they failed to with that stupid trial. Something subtle instead of smacking us and saying "Bad Charmed Ones! Bad!" But if I find out they purposely set up Paige to be hurt....

So, yeah, I get it. We're witches. We're meant to spend our lives together, each of our lives. We have to be careful, because the world is not ready to know what we are. And our powers are a gift to protect, not to punish.

It's quiet here right now. I'm not sure where Paige is, but Piper is away. Cole went out to pick up dinner for us, because goddess knows I'm not going to cook. I'm looking forward to spending a quiet night with my husband, hopefully with no interruptions.

* * *

So last night, the real last night, was good, too. :) Just nice and quiet.

Cole wants to go back to the penthouse soon, but after what's happened, I want to spend some quality time with my sisters. Maybe over brownies and chick flicks.

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 15:42:22 GMT

Oh, goddess, what did I almost do? I haven't been able to sleep all night -- I've just been sitting here thinking. I was so angry at what that bastard did to Paige that I couldn't even see straight. I just wanted to make him pay. It was like that day five years ago, only I got to actually live my actions instead of see them through a premonition. I can't blame it on Furies or Sin Balls or any other magickal hijinks. Prue was caught up in it, too. Thankfully, Piper and Paige were there to stop us. I already have the blood of a mortal on my hands and have to live with that -- I can't add more. No matter how guilty and evil they are, we can't use our powers against humans like that. Sometimes it doesn't seem fair -- there are humans out there as evil as any demon. But we were given our powers to protect, not punish.

I never gave Cal Greene a second thought after that day. We all thought the future was changed. How could I forget that he apparently hurt someone close to me? Who was it then? Was it Paige? Did she come into our lives even in that future? I never told his name to Paige; it wasn't something I liked to talk about. I just told her I'd killed a man and skipped the details. If only I'd talked to her more about it, if only she could've been warned about what a son of a bitch Cal Greene is. This is my fault....

She's doing ok now -- physically, at least. Leo healed the bruises but she's probably lost some of her faith in people.

So now what? We're working on the Truth spell, to see if we can cast it on someone other than ourselves. Force Cal to confess. That's not personal gain, is it? It's helping other women that he's hurt.

I wish Cole was here. I really want to talk to him. I just called his cell but he's not answering. It's early so he's probably still asleep. I'll leave a message....

Cole...uh, it's me. You're probably still asleep. Please call me when you get this message. I really need to talk to you. I love you...bye.

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 01:07:18 GMT

I've tracked that bastard down. Wasn't hard -- the paper has all kinds of information about him. And I even found some police reports of other women he's beat up, but his lawyers paid them off or scared them into not pursuing charges.

I may not have powers right now, but I can still kick his ass. And I have a potion or two that will do some damage. I'll show him what it's like to be treated the way he treats women.

Sun, 22 Aug 2004 04:25:57 GMT

~~Firewalled against everyone but myself~~

That son of a bitch.

I will kill him for hurting her.

~~End firewalled~~

Sat, 21 Aug 2004 19:18:09 GMT

I tried, I really did. How much sleep did I lose working on that potion? I tried to believe this baby thing wasn't going to adversely affect my relationship with Cole. I tried to believe Morrigan wouldn't use it for her advantage. But every time Cole and I get some time for ourselves, he gets a call from Morrigan because she had a nightmare or her feet hurt or she has a craving for some obscure brand of ice cream. I swear she has the penthouse bugged so she knows just the right moment to interrupt.

So, yeah, I'm upset. How about some attention for me?

I really pity anyone who pisses me off today.

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 03:49:17 GMT

So here I was, all set to settle down on the couch for a snuggling night of watching the Olympics with my husband. Men's gymnastics -- oh, those arms! Men's swimming -- oh, those...whatever that muscle at the hips is. Mmm.

Right.

Well, I'm not going to sit here waiting or moping or seething that the minute Morrigan needs someone to rub her feet Cole runs off to help her. I'm going out and...I don't know, do something. My car is fixed from the damage my 1920s self did to it. Maybe I'll take a drive to San Francisco.

Dear Cole,

I'm going out. Don't wait up.

Sun, 15 Aug 2004 04:17:22 GMT

Essential Oil Wrap: $105
Aromatherapy Massage: $180
Aqua Aromatherapy Facial: $170
Luxurious Manicure and Pedicure: $90

Having the woman who is carrying your husband's baby pay for it? ~~Priceless~~ Completely insane.

The spa was nice today. It was good to finally relax after dealing with mothers-in-law from hell and babies we don't want to be from hell. But it was also awkward at moments because...yeah. At least now that things have calmed down, Cole and I will have a chance to talk, figure things out.

When does life get easier?

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 02:39:09 GMT

Potion's done.

Purest ingredients, brewed in fresh rainwater infused with essence of gargoyle. If this doesn't ward off evil, nothing will.

Cole's letting Morrigan know that we're ready to try it....

Please let this work....

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 00:52:51 GMT

Okay, I think I have a plan.

Remember how gargoyles don't like the Source? They come alive and howl and it keeps the Source at bay? Real gargoyles really do frighten away evil spirits. And they're also built to be rain spouts, so water trickles down their "throats."

So I'm thinking fresh pure rainwater, infused with the essence of a true gargoyle -- that could be the vital ingredient in a potion that will protect the baby. Brew a tea with some protective herbs, and that may just be the anti-tonic we're looking for.

Baby, can we go to France? The Cathedral of Notre Dame? We could go to Our Lady of Giving Paige to the Nuns, but I think Notre Dame would be more powerful. And it's raining there now. Perfect.

Mon, 09 Aug 2004 17:49:29 GMT

Okay, I think it is perfectly within my rights to be a little bit upset that Morrigan can call in the middle of the night because her Thai was too spicy and she had a nightmare, and Cole will go running. She'd better not get used to that. I mean, what's next? She's going to have a craving for some Japanese delicacy and only Cole can fetch it for her? I. Don't. Think. So.

All right, I do know nightmares about the Source can be bad news. But still!

Could this situation be any more ironic? My husband loses his memory, spends two weeks with another woman, and now I'm trying to save the baby that's a result of it. Dear Ask Phoebe, am I out of my mind? Okay, no. Innocent. Baby. Can't let the Source have a new host. All very good reasons.

~~I just wish it was my baby....~~

Anyway, I'm in the office today. I'm hoping I'll run into Ashley and find out how she's doing. It's hard to concentrate on work, though; I keep going over possible potions and spells in my mind. I think I have an idea...something that'll work on the baby because it's an innocent and has committed no crimes. Can't quite be applied to Cole, but maybe one day we can boot the Source out of him once and for all as well.

Sat, 07 Aug 2004 16:27:53 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PIPER!!!

Love you! :)

Sat, 07 Aug 2004 04:14:52 GMT

Okay, so the babysitter is a witch. I guess I know how to pick them, don't I?

Last night went just according to plan. I had everyone go to the restaurant to wait, then I told Piper and Paige I'd had a premonition that someone needed our help and we had to orb to the restaurant right away. We were so rushed they didn't bother to ask how I'd gotten my powers back, hee! So we orbed in and voila, surprise!

I'd already let Ashley into the house and told her we were going to leave suddenly for the surprise, and just to keep out of sight until we left. Once the surprise had worn off Piper wanted to know who was watching the boys, and I told her not to worry, I had it taken care of. Ashley had seemed great when I'd talked to her earlier in the day, and as long as Wyatt didn't orb his toys around.... But toward the end of dinner, Paige's demon alarm started going off, so we quickly returned home. Prue got there first and found Ashley...vanquishing a demon? The poor girl didn't even know she was a witch, and when the demon attacked, she must have used her powers on instinct. And if that wasn't scary enough, all of a sudden people are astral projecting, orbing, shimmering, and smearing all around her. Her screaming could almost give Buffy's sister a run for her money.

So she's okay, the boys are okay, and we have a new witch to watch over. It's going to take her a little while to come to terms with this though. I know it's not easy to suddenly realize you're not normal. She didn't come into work today, and if she's not back Monday morning, I'm going to have to get her address out of human resources and make sure she's okay.

In the meantime, I want to enjoy a relaxing weekend with my husband. :)

Thu, 05 Aug 2004 04:13:37 GMT

~~Firewalled against the birthday girls~~

Operation: Find Babysitter is not going well. Everyone in Piper's address book is unavailable that night.

However, Laura Carlson over in Sports said there's a girl working right here at the Bay Mirror who is an excellent babysitter. She said this Ashley had been looking after Laura's two girls and she highly recommended her. So tomorrow I'll see if I can track her down and feel her out. I'm a little nervous about a stranger in the manor, but Laura is a good judge of character. And Wyatt's been behaving lately, so hopefully he won't orb his blankie over to himself or something.

~~Firewalled against everyone but myself~~

I'm still a little shaken by the dark thoughts I had yesterday. I've nearly drowned myself in Calming tea. Have to banish them...can't think like that.

~~End firewalls~~

Cole, baby, can you drop me off in San Francisco in the morning? I need to do some work in the office tomorrow. The problems of the world await my solutions!

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 03:16:09 GMT

Burdock for protection
Crushed peridot to banish evil
Rose petals for healing and love
Unicorn horn scrapings to purify

There has to be some combination that will work....

~~Firewalled against everyone but myself~~

I just looked down at the table...at the pile of white rose petals I had poured out of the jar we store them in. They looked so familiar. It wasn't a premonition I had, it was more of a...flashback.

I remembered her words.

Give me strength and give me might
To steal a child in still of night
Darkest forces let it be
Hear my plea
Bring life to me!

No...I can't....

~~End firewall~~

Tue, 03 Aug 2004 03:27:34 GMT

~~Firewalled against my dear birthday sisters~~

Okay, so after the demon induced stupidity in January when Paige and I thought Piper's birthday was eight months earlier than it was supposed to be, I decided a surprise would be in order for her real birthday. ~~And, you know, make it up to her for making her a living sex toy for her birthday.~~ And since it's Paige's birthday this week as well, why not combine them both?

Paige loves sushi, so maybe this place, Anzu. They have salads for my superior vegetarian lifestyle as well. And they have funky entrees on the menu for those who don't want to eat the (eww) raw fish. Yes, I think it will do nicely.

So, hmm, party of six....me, Cole, Paige, Piper, Leo, Prue.... They have an opening for Thursday night, that works for everyone's schedule as far as I know.

I suppose I should invite Morrigan, too. She's close to Paige and Piper. Awkward, yes, but this is for my sisters, not me.

...

Ugh.

Goddess, this whole situation is completely messed up. It's like some sort of angsty TV show.

Anyway, note to self: must find baby sitter for Thursday night. And must go shopping for gifts!

~~End firewall~~

And in other news...still working on something to protect the baby. At least from talking to Cole I know we have one thing on our side. Morrigan wasn't, uh, ritually impregnated. (Let me tell you, that was a fun conversation.) No blood-filled chocolates and all. No mystical moon phase. ~~Just dumb luck or lack thereof.~~ So the baby has a blood-tie to the Source, but isn't prepared to be a vessel, which means it can't just simply jump into the baby...like it did with me and mine.... :(

It buys us time. But not much.

Mon, 02 Aug 2004 13:00:08 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAIGE!!!

Have a good day, sis!

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 03:21:50 GMT

Cole's going to be okay. That's good. Very very very good.

Morrigan's pregnant. That's...not so good.

It's not fair! I had a vision that Cole and I would have a daughter in the future, then voila, she's pregnant with his baby. It apparently was the time he lost his memory and was living with her and she says it was an accident, but I can't entirely believe that. It's a little hard for me to believe this wasn't on purpose. What better way to keep him close to her than to have his baby? She's flung that in my face before, hasn't she? That she gave him a child and I haven't, I wasn't strong enough.

And therein lies another problem. The Source can possess that baby. I know from personal experience. It will take over the baby and through it, Morrigan. If it does that...it has to be destroyed. Believe me, I'm not yay, yay, kill the baby here, because, hello, innocent. So I'm certainly not hoping that will happen. I'm going to help my sisters see if we can figure out a way to strip the baby of its powers and thus its connection to the Source. At least...my vision tells me there must be a way. If I was pregnant in the future, that must mean we figure out a way because there's no way I would be if we thought the baby could be turned evil. And maybe that means that someday we can do the same to Cole -- strip the Source out of him. It's too deeply part of him now for a simple power stripping potion to work, but maybe some day he can be free....

Prue's coming in for a visit, so I'm off!

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 17:43:13 GMT

Oh, Goddess, nothing's working. We've tried every potion and spell we can think of. Cole's losing his strength. He started trying to tell me this morning where all the paperwork for things like the penthouse were, but I made him stop. I won't let him give up.

I had to restrain him for awhile last night. Fortunately, even when his demon side slips out now, he's too weak to do much of anything. But once he regained his strength...no, I'm not going to even contemplate that. We'll find a cure. We will.

Please....

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 14:58:49 GMT

Cole collapsed last night and has been unconscious ever since. Piper helped me get him up to my room and I've been sitting here with him, doing my best to watch over him and keep him comfortable and stay calm. At least we know what's going on now. Prue found out that whatever spell his mother cast has somehow turned his human blood to poison. And the reason he's been so angry and violent lately is because his demon half is trying to expel the human half...because unless we can reverse the spell, that's the only way he'll survive.

How can I deal with a choice like this? Either I watch Cole die, or let him live but lose his humanity. Either way, I lose him. No -- there has to be another way. We'll find some sort of cure. We'll make some sort of potion that will cure this. And then we're going to kick that bitch's ass.

Trying not to think of what Morrigan said last night...that she's pregnant. It's a mistake...or she's lying...or something. It can't be true! I've accepted Balor's existence because that happened long before I met Cole, but not now. Cole and I are supposed to have a family someday. Is this just another way for her to try to take Cole from me? Giving him what I couldn't? I lost our baby to the Source. I wasn't strong enough then. But I am now! Oh, goddess, I want to scream and cry and rage right now, but I can't. First we find a cure. Then I kill Cole. Or her. Or something.

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 02:47:39 GMT

Cole's getting worse. I called in sick to work for him and hoped that with some rest he would be better, but nothing's working. I've tried every little witchy herbal thing I can think of, but he's just getting sicker. His headaches are getting worse. It's like a demonic flu or something, but worse. There are times when I don't think he even recognizes me. The bedroom is a mess of broken furniture and charred walls from times where he's gotten angry at me for some random reason. I know there's something wrong with him -- I mean, we've argued and fought before, but he's never tried to really hurt me. ~~Well, not recently.~~ Whatever's making him sick is doing this.

We're trying to get back to San Francisco tonight, if Cole's strong enough to get us there. Maybe with my sisters' help we can figure this out.

We'll figure it out. Please, baby, you'll be all right.

Sun, 25 Jul 2004 20:04:11 GMT

I'm really starting to get worried. Whatever my evil demon bitch mother-in-law did to Cole the other night -- we thought it didn't do anything, but now I'm not so sure.

Last night Cole got a message from Morrigan and told me he had to go see her. Is it no shock that I wasn't happy with this? I mean, right in the middle of our romantic vacation he wants to go see the woman he was having an affair with? I know it was something about Balor, but still...I don't think I was overreacting, okay? I didn't mean for us to fight about it so much, but within a few minutes we were screaming at each other and I told him to not to bother to come to bed when he came back. I thought about calling Paige after he left and asking her to orb me home, but with the time difference I figured she would already be in bed, and after I had time to cool down I just wanted to talk to Cole again and make up with him.

I fell asleep waiting for him to come back to the villa, and when I woke up in the morning, he wasn't there -- but I found him asleep on the couch in the living room. I sat down next to the couch and touched his face and called his name. I'm not sure exactly what happened next, but he woke up and grabbed me by the throat and pinned me down on the floor and started yelling at me. I'm not even sure what he was saying. Then all of a sudden he let go of me and backed away, looking at me like he couldn't believe he'd just done that. He kept apologizing to me and looked really scared that he had reacted that way. I know he wasn't feeling very well yesterday, and when I touched his forehead he was burning up. Something's wrong with him, but I have no idea what.

I'm really scared that Elizabeth did do something to him. I'm going to keep a close eye on him today, and as soon as he's strong enough, I'm going to have him take us back to San Francisco.

Thu, 22 Jul 2004 03:31:55 GMT

Cole just asked if I wanted to go to France! :) :) :)

He has tickets -- we're going to fly like normal people. But I bet halfway through the flight I snap and ask him to smear us the rest of the way there.

Now I have to pack. What are they wearing in the south of France these days...?